Friendly Message From Management...

Gentlemen, please aim carefully or else you will lose your bathroom privileges. We appreciate your...

Wed, 08 Jun 2011 14:48:37 -0400

Gentlemen, please aim carefully or else you will lose your bathroom privileges. We appreciate your cooperation in keeping the facilities neat and tidy.

Dear employees, for your financial benefit, we do not advise having a baby at this time. Your...

Tue, 07 Dec 2010 19:15:18 -0500

Dear employees, for your financial benefit, we do not advise having a baby at this time. Your insurance plans do not cover the costs.

Beloved employees, due to an accounting error, you have all been over compensated in the past few...

Wed, 03 Nov 2010 18:21:53 -0400

Beloved employees, due to an accounting error, you have all been over compensated in the past few months. Rest assured, we have affordable payment plans that you can choose from to pay the company back.

Dear employees, the IT department has been receiving a vast quantity of equipment damaged by...

Mon, 11 Oct 2010 13:04:35 -0400

Dear employees, the IT department has been receiving a vast quantity of equipment damaged by liquids, as a response all beverages near desks must be secured in sippy cups.

We are proud to be an “at will” employer. “At will” is defined as working at...

Wed, 06 Oct 2010 23:52:42 -0400

We are proud to be an “at will” employer. “At will” is defined as working at the will of your caring supervisor.

Some employees have recently gagged violently due to strange smells in the office. As a result,...

Tue, 05 Oct 2010 16:57:02 -0400

Some employees have recently gagged violently due to strange smells in the office. As a result, exotic fruits and foods are forbidden on the premises.

Proper grooming and attire have a positive impact on company image, and promote a productive work...

Thu, 02 Sep 2010 10:00:00 -0400

Proper grooming and attire have a positive impact on company image, and promote a productive work environment. Thank you for wearing “club” attire.

We are committed to your safety and health, therefore violence of any kind is prohibited. Please...

Tue, 31 Aug 2010 20:08:50 -0400

We are committed to your safety and health, therefore violence of any kind is prohibited. Please note, clashing of hands between employees, also known as a “high five”, falls into this category.

Dear team, as of today Ann Chovie is no longer an employee of the company. We wish her the very best...

Fri, 27 Aug 2010 21:05:00 -0400

Dear team, as of today Ann Chovie is no longer an employee of the company. We wish her the very best in her future endeavors.

“Liking” the company Facebook page is a great way to show your pride while allowing us...

Mon, 23 Aug 2010 08:00:00 -0400

“Liking” the company Facebook page is a great way to show your pride while allowing us to increase our online social presence. Please note, all employees must “Like” the company page.

Be advised, the restroom toilet seat covers claimed to be “Provided By The Management For Your...

Thu, 19 Aug 2010 22:00:00 -0400

Be advised, the restroom toilet seat covers claimed to be “Provided By The Management For Your Protection” were not endorsed or authorized by us. Use at your own risk.

We are exited to announce our new health and dental insurance provider. Rest assured, your current...

Tue, 17 Aug 2010 20:04:00 -0400

We are exited to announce our new health and dental insurance provider. Rest assured, your current coverage level is not affected, nor are your astronomically high co-pays and deductibles.

Beloved Designers, any attempts to do anything remotely creative or interesting outside of work is...

Wed, 11 Aug 2010 21:10:00 -0400

Beloved Designers, any attempts to do anything remotely creative or interesting outside of work is against company interests. Anyone who does not cease immediately will be demoted to Production Artist.

It has been brought to our attention that many of you have become addicted to caffeine shortly after...

Tue, 20 Jul 2010 14:38:13 -0400

It has been brought to our attention that many of you have become addicted to caffeine shortly after the installation of the top-of-the line coffee machine. Rest assured, we will now be doubling the supply of coffee to meet your needs.

To keep your coworkers focused and productive, please refrain from small talk or laughing. We...

Thu, 15 Jul 2010 13:48:00 -0400

To keep your coworkers focused and productive, please refrain from small talk or laughing. We appreciate your cooperation in helping this company reach new levels of excellence.

Hard working employees allow the company to be competitive during uncertain economic conditions....

Tue, 13 Jul 2010 22:06:00 -0400

Hard working employees allow the company to be competitive during uncertain economic conditions. Thank you for working late nights and weekends for no additional compensation.