June 2011
1 post
Gentlemen, please aim carefully or else you will lose your bathroom privileges. We appreciate your cooperation in keeping the facilities neat and tidy.
December 2010
1 post
Dear employees, for your financial benefit, we do not advise having a baby at this time. Your insurance plans do not cover the costs.
November 2010
1 post
Beloved employees, due to an accounting error, you have all been over compensated in the past few months. Rest assured, we have affordable payment plans that you can choose from to pay the company back.
October 2010
3 posts
Dear employees, the IT department has been receiving a vast quantity of equipment damaged by liquids, as a response all beverages near desks must be secured in sippy cups.
We are proud to be an “at will” employer. “At will” is defined as working at the will of your caring supervisor.
Some employees have recently gagged violently due to strange smells in the office. As a result, exotic fruits and foods are forbidden on the premises.
September 2010
1 post
Proper grooming and attire have a positive impact on company image, and promote a productive work environment. Thank you for wearing “club” attire.
We are committed to your safety and health, therefore violence of any kind is prohibited. Please note, clashing of hands between employees, also known as a “high five”, falls into this category.
August 2010
6 posts
Dear team, as of today Ann Chovie is no longer an employee of the company. We wish her the very best in her future endeavors.
“Liking” the company Facebook page is a great way to show your pride while allowing us to increase our online social presence. Please note, all employees must “Like” the company page.
Be advised, the restroom toilet seat covers claimed to be “Provided By The Management For Your Protection” were not endorsed or authorized by us. Use at your own risk.
We are exited to announce our new health and dental insurance provider. Rest assured, your current coverage level is not affected, nor are your astronomically high co-pays and deductibles.
Beloved Designers, any attempts to do anything remotely creative or interesting outside of work is against company interests. Anyone who does not cease immediately will be demoted to Production Artist.
July 2010
3 posts
It has been brought to our attention that many of you have become addicted to caffeine shortly after the installation of the top-of-the line coffee machine. Rest assured, we will now be doubling the supply of coffee to meet your needs.
To keep your coworkers focused and productive, please refrain from small talk or laughing. We appreciate your cooperation in helping this company reach new levels of excellence.
Hard working employees allow the company to be competitive during uncertain economic conditions. Thank you for working late nights and weekends for no additional compensation.